How do you explain attraction?
I believe most would say attraction isn’t something that’s logically explained. It’s chemistry, something that operates on a baser level.
I think we are hardwired when it comes to attraction. I’ve been wary of whom I’m attracted to because it seems like the unavailable man pattern keeps replaying over and over again despite my best efforts.
I’m so over it.
Recently my forays back into the dating world have yielded unavailable characters once again.
The poster child for unavailable men was part of my world for a brief period in the form of a soccer coach from France 10 years younger than me. Now this match wasn’t meant to be a long term one, it was strictly supposed to be physical except we never ended up meeting.
He was in town for vacation but got called back home because his mother went into a coma. Dramatic isn’t it? Only in my world it seems.
We stayed in touch and texted back and forth over a month before he ended things. I knew nothing would come of our relationship for obvious reasons. Namely him being in France.
Despite knowing this, I was still upset over our split. Attracted to unavailable men remember?
The next subject who appeared was a friend from a former life I hadn’t spoken to in over a year and a half. He reached out and I waited a few weeks before responding. We met over drinks and the sparks started flying.
I genuinely like this man. It took me by surprise when he wondered how I’d be like to kiss midway through our conversation. It’s important to note that he was at the tail end of a relationship that can be best described as being on life support.
We got involved and a few days later he broke things off with his ex. I was given mixed messages during that first week. We saw each other almost every day. A week in and it was my turn to be told that he’s not the man for me. Again I was upset.
How does this happen?
The whole situation reels of codependency. It takes one to know one right?
I was told a few days ago that he’s been hooking up with his ex since they split. This happened while we were seeing a lot of each other. I was devastated and hurt.
I ended up forgiving him but my trust has been shattered. It’s not something I come by easily. More than anything, I hate that he felt he didn’t deserve better than being a doormat while he was in a relationship with this person. I also hate that she took him for granted and treated him so poorly.
As I stated to him last night they are both getting something out of the relationship they still have with each other.
The more important question is what am I getting out of my relationship with him?
I enjoy his company. We are incredible mirrors for each other in many ways. I love him and I know that feeling is reciprocated. He pushes me to be a better version of myself. Something I’ve always wanted in a partner.
I can identify with his codependency. His ex still doesn’t know I exist which bothers me tremendously. His not wanting to hurt her is his excuse.
Yet he’s hurt me not once, but twice already in a matter of a few weeks. How is that fair?
One of my most important values is honesty. How does this situation align with that? It doesn’t does it?
At the moment I’m left with more questions than answers. I’m not sure what the future holds but I know I’ll live into the answer.