Silence

Silence.

How does silence sit with you? Are you comfortable with it or in need of noise?

I use silence in my sports psychology practice intentionally. Silence tells me a lot.

It is said that non verbal communication accounts for 80% of communication between people. Watching people’s body language is therefore rich in information. Does the person fidget or do they stay still? Is their body language open or closed? Do their eyes wander or stay fixed on mine? What eye patterns are happening? All this information is feedback for me and helps me get a clearer picture of my client.

A lot of the work I do is done remotely. I then have to pay attention and really listen well. What words are they using? Are they visual, auditory or kinesthetic learners? Is their language pattern a positive or negative one? All this information gives me feedback to do my job well.

Silence.

On a personal level, I have become comfortable with silence. I never used to be.

I always had music going, singing and engaged in whatever task I was doing. Even in college I used classical music as a backdrop to help me focus while doing homework.

I processed emotions through music, I still do. I will listen to a song on repeat, over and over and sing till whatever is in me has worked itself out. Music is my therapy in a lot of ways.

Yesterday I had planned to participate in a day of silence at my yoga studio, however, the Universe had other plans for me in the form of unexpected car repairs this week. Instead, I spent a day of silence inside my home. I didn’t do yoga or meditate all day but I did practice a lot of much needed self care.

The energy in the universe right now is calling us to go inside and reflect. To be still, present to ourselves and align with Source and our core. A lot of past emotions are bubbling up to the surface. They require our attention and loving care. Processing of them needs to happen to release them and allow wisdom to come in and guide us.

So yesterday I sat with my emotions swirling around me. In the past, I would have done anything to avoid them, afraid of their intensity and of getting lost in them. For years growing up I was given the message that it wasn’t ok to feel. You can imagine what that looked like when the damn finally burst.

It took many more years for me to come to terms with being a big feeler. I’m a sensitive. I sense energy and have become somewhat adept at managing my own. When I’m not doing well, tired or run down I become a bubble girl. Safely enclosed in my own little orb. I won’t put myself in situations where I have to deal with the outside world and I carefully curate what I allow in.

That’s exactly where I was yesterday. I sat with myself and allowed whatever memory and its attached emotion to come. It’s not easy let me tell you. I went for a long walk in the woods and processed some more. At times the emotion brought me to my knees. I honored whatever feelings came up, allowed myself to process them and release them. It was good for my soul. I came back feeling better than when I went in.

I skied with a friend last night. Night skiing is not my thing. It’s dark and cold. For someone who has a hard time warming up it’s not pleasant but because my motto for this year is just do it, I went anyway.

Skiing has always been one of my happy places. I’ve processed a lot on the hill throughout my life. Last night was no exception. I live alone, tend to over think things and rattle around in my big brain. Being around someone safe whose company I enjoy was just what I needed last night. Thank you.

Silence.

I’m now going to practice what I preach and sit on my mat.

 

 

 

 

 

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Silence

My silence has been overwhelming lately.

Another low period has come and gone. 

Frankly my highs and lows and the havoc they wreak are wearing on me. I’m tired of them and there seems to be no solution in sight.  I’ve been tested by my doctor and it turns out my thyroid is underfunctioning a little.

Ever since college this pattern has ruled my life.  Huge highs full of ideas, creativity and imagination inevitably followed by crushing lows that make me question my existence.  It’s not pretty.

The toll it’s taking on my partner is significant.  I feel like a burden, it’s really tough.

I’ve been misdiagnosed as being manic depressive.  I remember the first time I received the diagnosis I was so relieved.  Finally an explanation to my ups and downs. Turns out it’s just part of who I am and I have to learn to live with it.

I’ve weathered yet another storm, here’s hoping for calm waters for a little while.

Silence

It’s been over a month since I’ve written.

I had a dear friend from high school check in with me this week to see how I was doing since she had not seen any recent updates from me on Facebook.  Smart girl. I go quiet when things are not going so well.  I withdraw from the world and curl up licking my proverbial wounds.

I must say it’s been nice to be away from Facebook; I don’t have to pay attention to the chatter and mundane updates.  Facebook is such a great tool in so many ways, however, it also robs us of valuable time away from loved ones and keeps us from being present.  There is very little draw to go back to Facebook now, just a mild curiosity which is quickly curtailed after a few minutes spent online. Definitely a good thing.

I’m struggling with reality.  The desire to do sports psychology as a full time profession and the reality of having to pay bills and make a living.  Right now I feel like I’m existing. Watching my life pass me by while I procrastinate and avoid in all sorts of ways like reading or watching too much tv.  If I spent as much time exercising as I do watching tv I’d be in phenomenal shape.

Unfortunately this is an old pattern that obviously doesn’t serve me. I’ve been making an attempt to get outside and exercise which always makes me feel better.  Needless to say, all of this is taking a toll personally and on my relationship.  I’d say I’ve been in this funk for the better part of a month.

The good news is my partner and I both went to see the practitioner we work with a few days ago.  He’s always a great support and once again he’s helped me reframed my outlook and given me some tools to help me deal with this little grey cloud that won’t go away.

I’m terribly sorry for my absence, dear readers, but I must say it’s been a nice break from this blog as well.

Here’s hoping for sunnier skies, smiles and  a lighter heart.