I met a great guy yesterday.
After a year of not dating, which was a self imposed choice, I got really clear on what I was looking for in a relationship.
The man I met yesterday fits the criteria. We had a great time together. Time flew by and I didn’t want things to end.
It got intense pretty fast which seems to be par for the course with me.
I went to bed last night happy with butterflies at the thought of seeing him again.
Unfortunately, I had a horrible nightmare which is most likely related to having met him. I woke up and burst into tears.
This morning I still felt haunted, like the nightmare still had its wispy fingers around me. I was teary for most of the day and upset.
I told the guy I met about what happened and it has caused all kinds of crappy blow back.
My first thought upon waking this morning is we need to slow things down. Take our time getting to know each other. You know, the normal process that most people seem to be able to do but I seem to whiz right through.
We’re seeing each other tomorrow night. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again, I can’t wait.
I’m sitting here feeling uneasy with things. We texted back and forth today about it all which sucks. I really would have preferred to have the conversation in person or over the phone.
Given my history, this stuff is to be expected. I do have abandonment and worth issues which I’m really working hard on in counselling. Relationships trigger our stuff like nothing else. It’s where my recovery program hits the road and is put to the test.
I know I have a tendency to overthink. I just need to relax, go with the flow and enjoy myself. Easier said than done sometimes.
I really should have gone skiing and been in my happy place today.