Gratitude

Gratitude. How does it show up in your life?

I had planned on writing a post on gratitude this week, it seems especially timely after the events here in Ottawa.

A city has been changed in a single day. A loss of innocence has occurred. My heart goes out to the families of both Cpl Nathan Cirillo and Michael Zehaf-Bibeau. Two people died tragically Wednesday in our peaceful city. Things will never be the same.

On the weekend, I was at a conference at the National Arts Center, steps away from the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I had remarked to a friend how wonderful it was to see the military honor our dead by having sentries stand guard at the monument. As a former officer in the Canadian Armed Forces, I felt it a lovely gesture.

I was in an all day business planning session ten minutes away when shots were fired Wednesday, ironically our original location was to be blocks away from Parliament in the lockdown zone.

Shock. Horror. Anger. Sadness. I experienced all of these feelings when I learned of events.

Gratitude. I’m grateful to bystanders who stepped in to come to the aid of Cpl Nathan Cirilio. He was surrounded by people before he died. To emergency responders who run to and not away from danger to keep us safe. I’m grateful to the members of the Canadian Armed Forces who put their lives on the line daily abroad so we can enjoy our freedom here in Canada.

Gratitude. For the simple things. For friends and family reaching out to make sure I was safe. For my home, in a country where events like these are the exception and not the norm. For this beautiful city, our nation’s capital, and the strength of its people.

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Honoring myself

Today’s post is a reflection on events which happened in a relationship with the man I love.  I’m all about lessons learned, I suppose it’s from my sports psychology background and as I look back on this relationship I can’t help but feel grateful despite the pain, hurt and sadness of ending things.

I’ve learned what it feels like to be cared for, loved and at peace with someone and to reciprocate those very same feelings.  Being triggered in a relationship is an opportunity for growth, to heal issues from the past.  I’ve learned patience, surrender and grace are musts.  The most important lesson I’ve learned is I must honor myself in relationships.  I don’t feel as though I am being honored nor am I honoring myself by staying.  I have felt powerless, at the mercy of his schedule and his time.  I want someone to share my days with, to come home to and to be there for me.  He can’t be.

I wonder why the universe sent him my way because I don’t believe in coincidences.  Maybe it was for me to shine a mirror on his life.  He reminds me a lot of me before I did my work and my heart goes out to him.  I can’t be embroiled in the drama and chaos we create when I’ve finally found the peace I so desperately want.  He certainly shone a mirror on mine and in doing so gave me the gift of touching something I so desperately want to feel.  I will miss my skiing soul mate.  We had a lot of fun together and it is those times I wish to remember.  Thanks for loving me in the way you could; I will always love you.