Five weeks ago I met a man who changed my life.
We fell in love on the spot, the stuff movies are made of, even though I didn’t know it at the time.
I wasn’t looking for once, I was dating someone else. He was also in a relationship.
You can’t explain attraction can you? We were magnets for each other.
As much as I tried to understand, to resist and deny, my heart shifted.
After six years of trying to make a relationship work, this just was. We were tied from the day we met.
He doesn’t live in the same city as I do and so for four and a half weeks I didn’t see him. I can’t begin to explain or describe the ache I felt.
We texted and spoke daily for a while. Then he asked for silence as he couldn’t be in two relationships at once.
All the while, being the eternal optimist that I am, I banked on the best outcome.
The best outcome has come to pass. He is going to go do the work he needs to do on himself. To learn to like, accept and love himself. Whatever we were is over.
I am a change agent, It’s what I do. I shift people. I shifted him.
What I didn’t expect is for him to shift me.
Thank you for loving me. For helping me see that love is possible. For cracking open my heart and bringing in light.
My heart is shattered. I am gutted. I’ve forgotten what pain like this feels like.
Even in this thick blanket of fog that surrounds me and pain so deep I don’t know what do when the waves hit but allow it, I know something is being worked out in me. Healing is happening on a grand scale.
I will come out on the other side of this with insights and lessons learned like I always do.
Be well love. Thank you.