A change is in the air

It’s been 5 months since I last wrote.  A lot has happened since.  My partner and I took the next step and bought a home together.

Anyone who knows us knows we’ve had our challenges.  By the summer, I had been living with him for almost a year and a half.  The house was the next step.

Prior to meeting my partner I had been single or dating for 5 years. I got used to living alone.  Moving in with someone is big.  I remember when I moved in all I had was a bag.  I was always ready to go.  Over time I started bringing more and more of me over. In fact, when we moved I was surprised how much I had brought over.

I have commitment issues. I did contract work prior to starting my business for a reason.  There was an end in sight and I could leave at any time.  I did the same in relationships before I met my partner. In the first year of our relationship we both had one foot out the door.  There was no commitment and a lot of drama.

It wasn’t until we got back together for what seemed like the nth time and I moved in that things started to shift.  I started putting down roots.  Sure I still had one foot out the door, my toiletry bag was always packed. When we fought we both threatened to leave.  Scared, protecting, knowing the old ways were not working for us.  In fact, they only made things worse. 

We worked on ourselves individually and came together to do some counseling. We came up with some common values after identifying our own.  I learned that respect was important.  Communication and compromise had to follow.  It was no longer going to be my way or the highway.

We were in a really good space in the spring.  Having come off the high of yet another great ski season and a busy first quarter in my business.  I knew my parents were waiting for me to get my ducks in a row and wanted to sell the house.  Preferably to me.

That’s when the storm hit. 3 months of fighting and struggle ensued.  What should have been a happy time became a nightmare instead. All the issues I thought I had resolved came to the surface.  Fear was a major driver.  Is this the man I want to buy a house with? How am I going to manage financially while in startup as a home owner? It was time to grow up.

We almost didn’t make it. I shake my head when I think back to how much I tested my partner’s resolve.  I threw everything I had at him.  I guess I was pushing him to see whether he’d stay.

The reason I do positive psychology is obvious.  I teach what I most need to learn.  Sometimes I can’t see the forest through the trees yet I can show up for my clients.  To teach, support and guide them in their lives through sport. 

So here we are.  Homeowners. We’ve been in the house 3 weeks and went away on vacation.  Now we are back.  Putting down roots, making this house our home.  It’s a new step forward.

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