Fights.  Every couple has them.  It’s the way you fight that matters or so I’ve been told.  How do you fight?

I know how our fights go.  He retreats, I try desperately to re-establish contact, it ends up spiraling and going south rapidly.  We’ve just gone through yet another epic fight.  We were pretty much broken up.  The worst part?  All of it was done by text except for the phone call and ultimatum that started it all.  Horrible.

Ultimatums don’t work.  Doesn’t matter whether you are coming from a place of concern and care, they just don’t.  The consequences are often disastrous.  We have split up over them.  This one was no different.  He was concerned about my attendance at work, fearful of my old patterns and wanted to express his concern in the form of an ultimatum.  It didn’t work, it pissed me off.  Then a series of back and forth texts ensued until he was pissed off and then the inevitable we are done scenario comes forth.  Sigh.

I’m so tired of our shitty patterns.  We are doing better now, not split up but damage is done every time we go into this cycle.  It’s enough to make me want to scream.  We are so incredibly good at triggering each other. 

I’m not sure what the bigger lessons here are but the good news is we are working on it.  Here’s hoping our pattern changes for the better.


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