I’m exhausted. Not sure if it’s because I’ve been working my ass off at my new job literally and figuratively or because I’m in the midst of grieving. I slept in today on my day off. I fully intended to go skiing, instead, my bed held me captive or rather I chose to stay firmly within its warm embrace. Every day in the past week I’ve woken up feeling spent, tired from the bouts of crying. Tears must really take a toll on the body, even now, despite all the sleep or maybe because of it, I’m tired. Beyond tired, I feel emotionally hung over.
I’ve been playing with the feeling of being emotionally hung over all week and it resonates on many levels. I am grieving heart break. It’s happened more times than I can count with him. It doesn’t make it any less painful or sad. I’m glad I’m out of the pattern we created together, however, there is a mourning which is part of the process obviously. I’ve come to learn how important it is to honor and allow my feelings to show up. I want this sadness out of me but I know I’m exactly where I need to be and I can’t rush the process.
In the meantime I’m taking care of myself. Reaching out to friends when I need to. Isolating when I need to do that too. I feel grounded and peaceful. Appreciating and enjoying the smiles and lightness when they come too, there are blessedly more and more of those moments.