Emotional hang over

I’m exhausted.  Not sure if it’s because I’ve been working my ass off at my new job literally and figuratively or because I’m in the midst of grieving.  I slept in today on my day off.  I fully intended to go skiing, instead, my bed held me captive or rather I chose to stay firmly within its warm embrace.  Every day in the past week I’ve woken up feeling spent, tired from the bouts of crying.  Tears must really take a toll on the body, even now, despite all the sleep or maybe because of it, I’m tired.  Beyond tired, I feel emotionally hung over.

I’ve been playing with the feeling of being emotionally hung over all week and it resonates on many levels.  I am grieving heart break.  It’s happened more times than I can count with him.  It doesn’t make it any less painful or sad.  I’m glad I’m out of the pattern we created together, however, there is a mourning which is part of the process obviously.  I’ve come to learn how important it is to honor and allow my feelings to show up.  I want this sadness out of me but I know I’m exactly where I need to be and I can’t rush the process.

In the meantime I’m taking care of myself.  Reaching out to friends when I need to.  Isolating when I need to do that too.  I feel grounded and peaceful.  Appreciating and enjoying the smiles and lightness when they come too, there are blessedly more and more of those moments.


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