I’m in a reflective mood lately. I had lunch with a friend today. He and I have known each other since we were kids, we met and grew up on the same ski hill. We lost track of each other for quite a while and our paths crossed again when I moved back to Ottawa 12 years ago. I just realized he’s probably my oldest friend. I haven’t kept in touch with any other of my childhood friends so I guess he’s it!
We sat today catching up, both of us sharing our own challenges in relationship. Listening, talking, laughing, crying. Life doesn’t get much better than the juice of our friendships does it? I asked him to tell me what it was like when we were kids because I didn’t remember. What he said moved me, he was older than I was when we first met and he said I was fun and he just felt comfortable around me. Some of the nicest compliments a person can get.
It doesn’t matter how much time elapses when we see each other. It’s like coming home, putting on your favorite pjs, curling up and letting it all out. There is a sacred space we hold for each other. There is no question we love each other. In fact I had a thought sitting at the table, it’s not the first time I’ve had the thought with him, I didn’t voice it at the time because it wasn’t the place to do so but I wondered what our lives would have been like had we been with each other. It’s not meant to be in this lifetime, I won’t touch what he has nor will I ever be the other woman ever again but sometimes I can’t help but wonder.
You can’t always get what you want. Life has a funny way of teaching us that doesn’t it?
I’ve grown. Old me would have jumped without asking questions, hungry for what she wanted. Now I sit back and watch my little girl show up, hurt, sad, just wanting to be loved. I know that’s my job and no man can give that to me. Well done me.