Memories

It’s been over a week since the end of my relationship and I seem to be awash in memories.  I woke up yesterday on my day off at home alone and not at the chalet with him.  There was no skiing together yesterday, instead there were tears and a great feeling of aloneness.  I let whatever feeling come up wash over me, I figure it’s par for the course and part of the process.

I never know when the emotions will hit.  Saturday at the store a customer who was pregnant ellicited a bought of tears.  There she was with a partner and a baby on the way, unknowingly representing everything I had wanted for us.  Last night at the grocery store I bought his favorite tea, more tears.  I know all the platitudes, time will heal, this too shall pass and I’m aware they will come to be, however, I’m hurting.  So when the tears come I allow them to flow and turn to friends. Thank goodness for them, their activities and their desire to include me in their lives.  I’m incredibly grateful for their presence and for the little things.  Gratitude seems to always help me shift my attention from what I don’t have or what I’m missing to what I do have.

I can count my blessings, I have many:  friends, my health, a home and a cat.  Those are the obvious ones, the not so obvious are things like the feel of the sun on my skin, the smile of a child or a laugh that erupts from nowhere.  Little blessings.  They help keep me grounded when the past washes over me.

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