Reflections

It’s been a tumultuous few weeks, I feel a shift in the air somehow.  Maybe it’s February and all its gifts, Valentine’s day, the Chinese New Year, the new moon or a combination thereof.  I feel restless, one of my clients informed me it’s the year of the tiger the other day and I’m a tiger, maybe that explains it.  It’s my year and I want my intentions to be focused, clear and good.

I’m looking at my life and reflecting on the year ahead, where I’d like my path to go and more importantly what’s missing.  I know what we focus on expands so I’m being very careful and asking myself instead what I want.  The answer is simple: love, peace and balance.  The how is more challenging but I know the Universe lines up to deliver those gifts so I’m going to focus simply on what it is I want more precisely.

Love.  What does that mean? To be better able to love myself first and foremost.  It’s the little things: being gentle on myself, forgiving myself and being grateful.  That’s loving myself better.  I know once my vibration changes from my heart’s center, the Universe responds at a different level and delivers all sorts of gifts.  More importantly, my perception also changes and I see and feel love more readily.  I spoke of abundance as my word of the year.  I want to shower myself in love, I feel this to be my greatest challenge. 

Peace.  Ah peace you are so elusive to me.  As my beloved yoga teacher often says we know peace in the moments it leaves us.  Peace is fleeting, it rests gently on my shoulders like a soft veil and the next moment it is gone.  I treasure the moments of peace I get, whether it’s walking in nature, lost in painting, listening to music or skiing.  My new meditation practice has already brought me peace.  I sit with myself, quiet my mind and focus on a mantra and I’m gone.  It’s like following a furrow at first, then monkey mind takes over, thoughts come and go, I refocus on my mantra and I come back to center.  At the end of my meditation sessions in the morning and at night, I feel more peaceful, centered and grounded.  It’s incredible, I’ve just begun and I can feel the difference already.

Balance.  My ultimate outcome, the one I so greatly desire.  My life seems to be ruled by an emotional rollercoaster.  I am who I am because of my emotions and the intensity with which I feel.  I am highly kinesthetic, and so a big feeler.  It’s how I process information first.  It’s a gift, I’m like a big kid most of the time, truly young at heart, intense, caring, I wear my heart on my sleeve, very much alive.  It’s what makes me such a great artist and person, however, it’s not always easy being a feeler.  I sometimes take things too personaly, I hurt myself and get hurt easily.  The depths of darkness, like sadness and anger scare me and I watch myself so I don’t slip into them.  I know they are just feelings, how important it is to process them and they too shall pass.  I will come out on the other side and be alright.  Balance like a pendulum swinging, always coming back to center, staying in the present moment, grounded.

Love, peace, balance.  A pretty good wish list don’t you think?

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