It’s the end of the month. A beautiful winter’s day, I’m looking forward to the day off to get a cross country ski in, to enjoy the silence and sound of my skis and the beauty of the woods surrounding me.
I’m feeling reflective. I love winter, no surprise there. Skiing is such an intrinsic part of my life, how can I not? I’ve had some great days on snow and I’m hoping mother nature delivers more white fluffly stuff so I can have many many more. I’m looking forward to February and a chance to skate on the canal and maybe indulge in a beaver tail. I enjoy skating, the movement, going fast, the ice and the feel of winter on my cheeks.
I’m reflecting on my relationship in the past month. How much better we are doing, we’ve had our ups and downs lately but I’m confident we’ll be stronger and better for our challenges. The full moon was last night, I believe it has a huge influence on us. More babies are born, my parademic and cop friends are busier. The moon has an effect on tides. We’re made of how much water? Of course it affects us. My partner and I are no exception. I shore up for the full moon and wisely distance myself because of our history of fights and break ups last year around full moons. I don’t believe in coincidences and we broke up around a lot of them so I tread carefully. Strange isnt it?
I’m also reflecting on my friendships. I seem to have lost a few friends in the past year, mostly due to my relationship. I’ve lost three to be exact. As much as I miss their presence, my relationship is a part of my life and it is their choice to not want to hear about it and therefore distance themselves from me. I understand their reasoning fully but if that’s the case, they are not the kinds of friends I want. Not sure whether I’m cutting them out because that’s a pattern in my family or I’m being realistic. I’m surprisingly detached actually, I believe I’ve come a long way if I feel this way. In the past I would have been upset, clung to them, made every effort to bridge our differences. Not anymore. If it’s meant to be this way then so be it. Friends come and go, it’s part of life. I’ve let them go. And I’m moving on.
I feel stronger, more grounded and fully present than I have in a long time. It feels good to be in this space. Thanks January for your beauty, the insights and lessons you’ve brought and the traces of peace I’ve felt. Welcome February and the gifts you have yet to bring.