Competing attention

Today’s post is going to sound a trifle trivial because I’m competing with a 5 year old.

My guy has his daughter for the next few weeks while her mother is away.  His world revolves around her, as it should, when he’s with her.  My beef is when he’s with me he’s busy doing other things.  I know he has things to do and he can’t get them done while his daughter is around but I would like some undivided attention too.  It’s not like I don’t get any, it’s that I don’t get enough.  But then again how much is enough?

So here we are in a familiar place again.  He needs time for himself, time with his daughter and I want to fit in the mix somehow.

Funny when you  think you’ve resolved an issue and it rears its head again.  I don’t want to sound selfish when I say I envy the time he spends with his daughter and I wish there was more for me but somehow I feel I am being selfish.

The next few weeks are going to be long ones, with little time spent with the man I love.


6 thoughts on “Competing attention

  1. Kim says:

    Hi Skigurl

    I had a whole other response coming to me as I read your blog, then I got to the last sentence “Time to turn to friends I guess.”

    Is that the only reason to turn to friends??? If I was the friend you were turning to (I guess) I might feel a bit slighted. Not about being turned to – about the “I Guess” part. That doesn’t make me feel like you’d actually be with me during that time – more like you’d be with me in body and emotionally and mentally you’d be with him. You’d be creating a similar environment with your friend that you are experiencing with your guy. Of course this is just my perspective from your short post and I know there is more to the whole thing. Like what this is really all about at a deeper level and how this is really challenging you to move towards who you want to be in a committed relationship – in spite of the challenges it makes you face.
    You say it yourself, you feel like you sound “a trifle trivial competing with a 5 year old” – what if you didn’t.? What if you didn’t compete with her – and you didn’t compete with his other priorities? What would that be like?

    • skigurl says:

      Thanks for your comments Kim, I appreciate them and your time. I have to say I’m curious about your whole other response though.

      I’m not sure why I struggle so much with being in relationship or why I get so triggered.

      I’m going to see Garry because I’m at my wit’s end. I’m not proud of my reactions or about being triggered. It happened last night again and I have to say I’m really tired.

      I feel like I’m 5 years old.

      And yeah I have to agree with your comments. My poor friends. I’m there but not there. I’m not doing very well am I?

  2. Kim says:

    BTW Ski gurl – I admire your authentic transperancy and courage to just say what is going on for you!

    Big hug!

  3. Kim says:

    My other response was going to go something like:

    I remember what it is like to be at the start of a relationship – you go on dates and you talk lots, get to know each other, do stuff – even if it’s just watching TV and cuddling… that goes on for some time. Then you get to see if you can be comfortable with each other while being together not on a date – just being together. Cause after a while as the relationship moves along, you’re start “sharing your lives” – the same lives you lived on your own before getting together. So you see if you can be in each other’s presence while not being the center or each other’s attention. Can you do your thing while he is doing his thing and appreciate being together at the same time.

    When people get married or live together, they’ll share a house and go about their “individual” business in the same house. Sounds to me that this is a part you could be getting to… and it’s new perhaps??? I may be wrong, I don’t know much at all about your past and the type of relationships you’ve been in already – but this is just what I was thinking as I started reading your post. Hope it helps and makes sense for you.

    Much love

    • skigurl says:

      Yeah it does and I have managed to be around him just ‘being’ and not being the center of attention. The problem is that we don’t live together and we’re far from each other which makes any time we do get together finite. Which means I do want to be the center of attention. Make sense?

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