Coping strategies

I’ve been trying on old coping strategies for size lately.  None of them seem to fit quite like they used to.  Sounds like half the clothes in my closet. 

I’ve been hermitting, shutting myself off from the world, hiding in bed for the past five days.  Yes, five days.  Back to work and real life tomorrow.  Besides, my old coping strategies don’t really seem to be working for me anymore.

The lying around in bed, sleeping and not eating is not yielding results.  At least when I sleep I don’t have to think, don’t have to be shrouded in a cloak of sadness and memories.  I don’t have to miss him.  When I sleep I don’t have to think about him.  Or about the good times we had together. 

There are stages of grief, I’ve been kindly reminded by concerned friends.  Yes. I’ve made it past anger, that was fun.  Definitely in sadness now and probably a little denial because I can’t seem to remember all the reasons why we broke up and why this relationship did not work.  Yeah I’m definitely in denial.  Blanketed in it.

I’m suprisingly not in denial around the old coping strategies I’ve tried that no longer work.  Like random sex, definitely not.  Walked away, not once but twice from opportunity.  Why would I engage in something to fill a void that would leave me feeling even more empty afterwards?  Not for me anymore.  A pretty huge realization right there.  Impressive and well worth a self congratulatory pat on the back.

Let’s see what else have I tried to distract myself from my feelings?  Dating.  Yup.  Believe it or not I went out on one on the weekend.  Poor guy.  So caring, concerned, attentive, he just wanted to make me happy.  He knew my situation but he must have been a sucker for punishment because I kept bringing up my ex, a classic dating faux pas.  A sign I am so not ready.  It didn’t help we went out to a place I had last been with my ex.  I kept sitting there wishing it was my ex and not the poor guy who went out with me.

Yeah I’m not ready and that’s ok.  I’d rather be where I’m at with old coping strategies that no longer fit than trying on coping strategies that didn’t really fit well anyway.  Forces me to go out and look for new and better ones, doesn’t it?

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