This week has been a challenging one to say the least. Fights, anger and ugliness were omnipresent. I realized today I haven’t even seen the man I broke up with this week, yet somehow it happened. I guess that’s what you get for investing time, energy and effort after 6 months.
I’d like to believe if we’d been face to face none of this would have happened. Instead, he took the easy way out and hid behind technology. The abuse hurled at each other left me feeling sick. I was seething, shaking with anger, so upset at being treated so rudely, cavalierly and badly.
The anger has evaporated and now sadness has seeped in, staying busy during the week wasn’t too hard but the weekend brings with it the gift of time. So I’m sitting with the crapiness of the whole thing. Occasionally tears well up, memories come unbidden at the unlikeliest times and I miss him. Despite how badly he treated me and how ugly it got. I have to question my sanity. Can’t help but think my family of origin has something to do with it.
I miss our good times and what could have been if it weren’t for the madness we created together. Because when we were good, we really were good, especially skiing. I waited so long to find my skiing soulmate only to have him disappear all too quickly.
I’m dismayed that despite a renewed commitment to each other a week beforehand, or maybe because of it, we couldn’t or wouldn’t work it out. I’m sad because I haven’t even seen him in a week and yet we’re broken up. I’m disappointed because we attract mirrors and they highlight our stuff, the good and the bad, so we can work on it.
We didn’t work.