Endings

I don’t want to write this post because writing this post will mean that my relationship with the man I love is truly over.  Somehow it all still feels surreal.  I keep thinking when I wake up things will be as they were and we’ll still be together and then realization comes crashing in and with it the pain, hurt and sadness hit.

We love each other but it’s not working.  We’ve tried and tried.  I love him and miss him so much.  I’m so sad, I feel shattered, numb but the drama we create together is too much.  I can’t be second after his daughter and third after him.  I can’t always be asking for more time and more of him.  I just can’t do it.  God help me I love this man but I can’t make it work.
 
He’s my skiing soul mate, the man with whom I saw glimpses of a future together, the man I wanted a child with.  The man I wanted to share my days, my life and a future with.
 
Where do I go from here? I miss him so much, it’s a dull ache, I feel hollow.  My only hope is for some sort of peace once the grief ebbs away.

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