Reality check

Today’s post is a follow-up to my last one.  It’s funny how when you least expect it a reality check will come and knock you flat on your ass.  Such an occurrence happened the day after I wrote my last post.  A friend of mine who has done group work with me and whom I trust implicitly gave me the opportunity to really see clearly.  He mirrored something I couldn’t see.  All the stuff I brought up in my last post is about me, all of it.

I’ve been granted an opportunity, a gift really, to work on my stuff.  By focusing on my partner it becomes easy to shift the focus off myself.  I’ve gotten so good at it I don’t even realize I’m doing it.  Thus avoiding or distracting myself from what I really need to look at.  I am resisting, a defense mechanism that serves to protect me from being hurt and looking at my pain.  Resisting may have worked when I didn’t have any other coping strategies but now that I do I know I can protect myself and look at what is going on and grow because of it.  A difficult choice nonetheless.

My partner is providing me the opportunity to love, nurture and heal myself.  Therein lies the gift.

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One thought on “Reality check

  1. Jen says:

    I agree that this may be a great opportunity to work on you, and about how you have responded to this guy’s words and actions (or lack thereof). However, I think it is stretching it to call his boorish behaviours and thoughtlessness a gift. It sounds to me like he needs a lot of work on himself. I also get the impression that he is unwilling to do that. The other thing is that mature people may argue, but I’m not sure that they “fight.” It is quite possible to have a very serious disagreement and yet to keep it courteous and respectful. Putting on an iPod to drown out a loved one’s emoting, is neither courteous nor respectful. Relationships do require a lot of work, but they should not require this much work (and heartache). You deserve someone as thoughtful, considerate, and enlightened as yourself.

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