Eyes wide open

It’s been a while since I’ve written, I don’t like being away from my creative outlet for so long.  A lot has transpired, I’ve gotten caught up in my new job, in shuttling between houses and general busyness.  A few topics have percolated to the surface, one of which lately seems to be clarity.

I’ve invested a lot in my relationship.  If anyone invested this much time, effort and energy into a business they’d be well on their way to success.  I’m questioning whether I am.  Because of NLP and also due to my nature I am the type of person who wakes up and sets intentions.  How am I going to create a great day?  How am I going to make my relationship better?  Lately I seem to be noticing things in my relationship, little things that are niggling away at me.  Little things I don’t like.

If one person initiates constantly in a relationship does it set a pattern?  I text, I call, I ask to be called, I ask for time, I ask for him to show up.  Why do I even have to ask?  It begs the question.  People have different ways of being in relationship.  Mine is simple.  You show up, you’re present and you want to grow.  I feel far from being cherished, important and valued at the moment.  Instead I’m disappointed, hurt and sad.  I wonder just how much more of this I am willing to put up with.  Do people change their behaviors in relationships?  You can lead a horse to water but will he drink? 

Over the past week there have been incidents, little things which have stopped me in my tracks.  Me time is important in any relationship, however, me time does not come at the cost of ‘our’ time.  Or maybe it does.  Time with a loved one is finite, if you choose instead to spend that time sitting in front of a TV, in bed or otherwise preoccupied it begs the question as to the value you place on your relationship.  I’m not asking for you to stare into the depths of my eyes the whole time, I’m asking for a phone call, some quality time set aside for just us, so we can reconnect, enjoy each other and grow.  Is that asking too much?

On the weekend I participated in my first group art show.  I had many friends come over the course of 3 days.  The man I love did not.  It speaks volumes to me.  I have learnt something more.  I believe in the platinum rule, treat other people the way they want to be treated.  If the situation were reversed, I’d show up. 

Step up, show up, be present.  I am asking and I am not receiving.  My eyes are wide open, it’s clear, I have some choices to make.

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One thought on “Eyes wide open

  1. Caroline says:

    Bon matin Natalie,

    Premièrement, j’adore te lire. Tu écris très bien est sait comment mettre des mots pour bien décrire une situation ou un sentiment ce qui est très difficile pour moi.

    En te lisant ce matin, j’ai réalisé comment je prenais ma relation pour acquis. Merci de m’avoir ouvert les yeux.

    Je suis du même avis que toi. On traite les gens comme on aimerait être traité. Si tu veux être aimé, tu dégage de l’amour, si tu veux qu’on te respecte, tu rend le respect à tous ceux qui te côtoie, etc. Tu viens de réaliser un gros morceau de ta relation et je sais que c’est difficile de se l’admettre mais mieux maintenant que beaucoup plus tard lorsqu’on a investie mer et monde.

    S’il ne réalise pas à quel point tu es comme personne, que tu dégage que de bonté et amour…il lui manque un gros morceau à sa vie. Il a encore à grandir. C’est évident que vous n’êtes pas au mêmes endroits dans vos vies. Vos priorités semble très différentes et même opposées. Tu grandi positivement, tu t’investie dans tout ce que tu entreprend, et je sais que tu le fais avec coeur car tu es de ce genre. Mais avant qu’il soit trop tard, je crois qu’il est temps de prendre un peu de recul.

    C’est cliché mais trop vrai…il ne te mérite pas. Tu mérites que le bonheur, que d’amour et que de vérité dans ta vie…car c’est ce que tu es.

    Tu as grandi dans tout ça. Tu as appris qui tu es et ou tu es rendu maintenant dans ta vie…mais surtout, le “ce que je veux de la vie” est beaucoup plus défini.

    Tu es belle. Tu es forte. Tu es fière. Tu es TOI ! Bravo !

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