Insights, time and actions…

Today’s post is a reflection on the events of the past week since my split with the man I love.  I have been grieving, big time.  The emotions come in waves but there seems to be a pattern.  An ebbing of sorts over the past week.  Time is evidently the great healer. 

I’ve come to realize I am healing myself and processing past pain.  I have to be grateful even though it hurts like hell.  I know once the pain clears, room will be made for bigger and better to enter.  I miss him but I’m no longer certain whether it’s him or the idea of him.  I know I touched something profound.  A glimpse at a mirage that dissipated in the light of day.  You see, I engaged fully in this relationship with no regrets and thus felt fully by allowing another in.  Huge.  That he was such a mirror for me is no accident.  That we came together when we did is no accident.  That things went the way they did is also no accident.  It is simply what it is. 

I am sifting through the good and the bad.  Becoming clearer day by day on what it is I do want and what it is I need to do to make sure the signal I send out the next time around attracts exactly what I want.  In the meantime insights are great but I remain with the question of what it is I am going to do with them in order to heal myself, move on and find the relationship to end all relationships.

If I come back to my learnings from my group work, I need to parent my inner kid.  She was a huge marker in the relationship and ultimately my putting her and myself first are what caused the dissolution of the whole affair.  Bravo!  A very different me has emerged.  One that will not go back to the way things were before this relationship and who continues to not put up with status quos.  I deserve better.

Watch out world because as time heals I will re emerge brighter.

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