Honoring myself

Today’s post is a reflection on events which happened in a relationship with the man I love.  I’m all about lessons learned, I suppose it’s from my sports psychology background and as I look back on this relationship I can’t help but feel grateful despite the pain, hurt and sadness of ending things.

I’ve learned what it feels like to be cared for, loved and at peace with someone and to reciprocate those very same feelings.  Being triggered in a relationship is an opportunity for growth, to heal issues from the past.  I’ve learned patience, surrender and grace are musts.  The most important lesson I’ve learned is I must honor myself in relationships.  I don’t feel as though I am being honored nor am I honoring myself by staying.  I have felt powerless, at the mercy of his schedule and his time.  I want someone to share my days with, to come home to and to be there for me.  He can’t be.

I wonder why the universe sent him my way because I don’t believe in coincidences.  Maybe it was for me to shine a mirror on his life.  He reminds me a lot of me before I did my work and my heart goes out to him.  I can’t be embroiled in the drama and chaos we create when I’ve finally found the peace I so desperately want.  He certainly shone a mirror on mine and in doing so gave me the gift of touching something I so desperately want to feel.  I will miss my skiing soul mate.  We had a lot of fun together and it is those times I wish to remember.  Thanks for loving me in the way you could; I will always love you.

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