Hey people, I feel like I haven’t written in a long while and according to the date of my last post it seems that’s the case. I’ve had a few rumbles from readers, which means I have a captive audience and that’s a good thing. I guess my absence can be explained by a combination of factors, a new relationship, the holidays and the fact I escaped to the country with *gasp* no internet access!
I’ve had all kinds of ideas about what to write, lots of good things to talk about but I guess today’s post is about trusting, believing and loving. My new relationship is amazing, the man is awesome and brings such joy to my life. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel this way. I discovered over the holidays what it truly means to feel cared for, loved and at peace with someone and to be able to reciprocate those same feelings back to a partner. Whoah! Huge for me.
My fear was that the bliss might be dismissed once the holidays were over, routines were resumed and reality set in. Communication is such a big deal in relationships and I went into a bit of a slump once I got back because we were apart. In fact, it’s the longest we’ve been apart since we’ve met. One of the presuppositions of NLP is that there is a positive intention for every action. Things came to a bit of a head over a decision he made to look after himself and sleep at his place rather than mine. I simply wanted to see him because I missed him, my positive intention, his was focused on getting rest. There was all kinds of drama around his decision. I felt hurt, angry and rejected and he felt guilty and goodness knows what else. Perspective is everything. A day later I remind myself of the 10/90 rule. Ten percent is the event that happened, 90 percent is the energy we create around that event, either because of filters or triggers or drama. Boy did I get triggered. I look at it as an opportunity for growth but at the time it was a struggle to keep communicating. I just wanted to shut down, protect myself and keep him at arm’s length. Blown way out of proportion.
So that’s were the trusting, believing and loving comes in. I need to trust myself first, trust him second and trust the relationship third. Feeling what I felt was ok, trusting myself was a challenge, believing in and loving myself through that moment was the key. It wasn’t about him, it was about me. It’s amazing what a difference a day makes.