Ghosts of the past

Today’s post is an indication of where my headspace has been in the past few days.  I’ve been thinking about the guys I’ve dated who, for various reasons, were not ‘the one’ but who were so appealing on paper.  I guess I’m thinking about wanting to settle down and there seem to be no good prospects in sight so my mind floats back to these guys who would have quite happily settled with me.

Let’s face it they are ghosts, spectres of thought that really have nothing to do with reality.  I mean I have no idea whether things would have worked out between us had I settled.  It’s like this fairytale takes over and all of a sudden a white picket fence, house, husband, two kids and a dog appear.  I know reality is quite different.  I know believing in the white picket fence and everything that goes along with it is unrealistic but I guess my soul yearns for comfort lately and seems to find it in theses dormant illusions.  Sigh.

I know the grass isn’t greener on the other side.  Just because you have all the trappings of fantasyland in real life doesn’t mean things go smoothly, I know that but I still want it.  Oh how I want it.  Funny because a year ago, the very thought of any of the trappings of normalcy would have sent me into a panicked tailspin.  How things have changed.  I guess it’s a reflection of the work I’ve done on myself; the taming of my demons, so to speak, that has put me on this path of wanting to settle.  So watch out white picket fence or whatever that looks like for me, because here I come!

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