Today’s post isn’t going to be on dating. I’m in a subdued, reflective mood. You see tomorrow night is medallion night, in recovery circles it’s a graduation of sorts. A chance to be recognized for the work done in recovering the missing pieces of self. Tomorrow night is my graduation night, a celebration of a year’s worth of group therapy. You see I’m a daddy’s girl and my dad just happens to be an alcoholic. This doesn’t make me love him any less, he’s human like the rest of us and has his own demons. It has affected me in ways big and small.
Tomorrow night I plan to stand up and receive my medallion and say a few words. Words of thanks to an organization that has brought me the greatest gift, my salvation. My journey started three years ago when my father threatened to disown me after I had spent more money than I had and plowed myself into debt. Spending was my therapy, my way of trying to fill the void deep inside me. I still remember that night, it will forever be seared into my memory because it was the only time I saw my father cry. The pain and shame I felt that night I never wish to feel ever again.
Two year long rounds of group therapy and countless sessions of counselling later I am a changed person with a deep awareness of my path and a great appreciation for the work I’ve done and how far I’ve come. I’m not the same person I was when I started down this path, I’m a better person, more healthy, happier and whole. I’ve faced my demons, looked them straight in the eyes and taken them on, one by one.
I’ve faltered along the way, falling back into old patterns with men, however, the incidents are fewer and farther apart and my time extricating myself from them has shortened. Progress. I’ve also found glimmers of what I was ultimately seeking: peace. Profound, deep and blissful peace. The moments are fleeting but present nonethteless. So on the eve of this celebration I feel a profound gratitude and hope in what the future may bring. There is light at the end of every tunnel.