Today’s post has to do with the aftershocks of my post on trusting. Now that post took major guts to write, to reveal so much of me and my wrong doings. It seems to have claimed its first victim. A guy I briefly dated, he stopped all communication. Oh well, such is life. I cannot be with someone who won’t accept me for who I really am, mistakes and all. What makes it worse is he was guilty of having cheated on his partner and ending their relationship. Hmm maybe I struck too close to home. Maybe it was the comment about never having been faithful in any of my relationships. I’d like to point out that the relationships were all going through a rough patch. Not an excuse, merely an explanation and certainly not a reason for doing what I did. Instead I should have worked on the relationship instead of throwing myself into the arms of another man. I recognize my mistakes, I take full ownership of them and have paid a high price. Plus, here I am talking about them in a public forum. I have learned the lessons I needed to learn and moved on. I am not here seeking absolution for my sins I am here telling you I have changed.
I’ve worked very hard to be where I am today, to be the person I am now. I have a new found love for myself, I feel worthy of being loved and cared for. I seek the relationship that will make me stop looking. A partner to stretch me and grow with. To challenge me and catch me when I fall. To love me fully, with all my ugliness and beauty. To know me for who I am and to relish me in all my intensity and uniqueness. A partner to settle down with, have kids with and grow old with. I seek the man who makes me a better person simply for knowing him. A tall order perhaps but one I firmly believe in.
He’s out there, let’s hope our paths cross soon.